A letter of love
Today is hard. So hard.
You are overwhelmed with anxiety and a bundle of nervous energy sits somewhere in the region of your solar plexus.
This is not an unfamiliar feeling but it has caught you unawares today.
And you know why – despite the probing fingers of enquiry that are working their way through your mind – you do know why.
After several frantic weeks of house-hunting, paperwork, planning, packing and balancing that mental load, today is the first day without plans to attend to, boxes to unpack or a child to care for.
Your soul is demanding that you rest.
She has no choice. You haven’t been listening to her other signals, have you?
It’s ok, we all are blind to what we most need much of the time.
But your soul is weary and overwhelmed and in desperate need of some quiet time.
Be kind to her. She has guided you through a frantic time and now she deserves her reward.
Be still and give her what she needs.
Tomorrow is soon enough for the ‘To Do’ list.
With love x
We moved house four days ago. It was tough. It was full-on. And it’s such a relief to be here, with more space and beautiful views across the marina.
But I feel as if I am experiencing it from a distance. My senses are dulled to it all – even the relief of having got it done.
I understand this to be a safety mechanism. My emotions feel as though they are wrapped in cotton wool – I can’t quite feel them properly.
What I do feel is a crippling anxiety that hasn’t reared it’s frightened head in a long, long time.
The last few weeks have been incredibly tough. It’s only now I am realising how tough.
I feel depleted, empty.
Today, instead of filling my day with tasks in order to sate my inner need for achievement and activity, I choose self compassion.
I choose quiet.
I choose stillness.
I choose grace.
It’s not easy. By God, it is not easy.
As someone who has used busyness her whole life to avoid difficult emotions, choosing to be still is really, really hard.
My instinct is to spring clean the new flat or re-organise my wardrobe. I feel something close to fear contemplating a day without a ‘To Do’ list.
That is why I wrote myself this letter – to give myself permission to be still. Self compassion does not come naturally to me, but it is necessary if I am to avoid burnout.
Choose self compassion
Perhaps you have also experienced a day like this recently? The strain this past 15 months or so has put on our mental health is unprecedented and I think we’ll be dealing with the fallout for years to come.
Which is why it is so important to listen when your soul begs you for rest, to be compassionate with yourself as you would be a stressed out friend.
It’s not easy when there are children to care for, meals to cook and the endless mess that family life seems to create in such short spaces of time.
But I urge you to, if you can, find some quiet time today. Even if it means a bit more screen time for the kids than you’re usually comfortable with.
Give yourself the gift of self compassion.
Give yourself grace.